Hope Ya'll Enjoy!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Momma said everything happens for a reason...

I am truly starting to believe in this statement. 2010 has quite literally been one of the worst years of my life, sorry to complain, but it is terribly true. It started off with my Mother's triple bypass surgery causing conjestive heart failure which lead to her death in February. It then proceeded into the loss of my husband's job... which was just an awful devastation. Struggling like we have never struggled before, finances and death forcing a nasty wedge between our family. Many other things happened that I would rather not go into detail about, but you catch my drift, right? 2010 SUCKS! Well, over the years, I have learned that it is when we are most "down" that God throws us a bone, puts a little light at the end of our tunnel. This year, for me... that light has been family.

I hadn't seen or spoken to my Mother's family in about 5 years, since her death I have seen them and rekindled a relationship with all of them. My daughter's got to meet their extended family and it elated me! Then something even more amazing happened, my Father (whom I hadn't seen or spoken to in almost 12 years) got a hold of me. We have since, formed an amazing bond and relationship. Yet again, I was blessed and Skyler had someone in her life that I never thought she would have! Then just yesterday, I went with my Dad over to my Grandmother's house (whom I hadn't seen in 13 years). Skyler adored her, Sierra adored her. I found myself completely overjoyed. Despite all that has happened this year, all the heart ache and strain we have been under, I truly feel as though the suffering was worth it. I have a family again! Something I never thought I would ever have. Something I cried about, something I longed for with every ounce of my being. Skyler will now grow up with family, with people who truly love her and truly want what is best for her.

As I reflect on this year, this horrible mess of an emotional roller coaster of a year... I feel at peace. My Mother may not have been here to watch Skyler grow, but I truly believe that she paved the way for this family to rekindle. I have heard a million times that God works in mysterious way, and I am noone to question why. What I have learned this year is that there is always a ray of hope. And in every heartache we face, there is ALWAYS a silver lining.

Skyler and My Dad. Oct. 2010

-Momma Ash

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Momma said to love...

To the families of these young men, I am deeply sorry for your loss.  You are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray that you and yours can find peace during this awful time.  To Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy and Seth, I know that you are in a better place now, that you are safe, laughing and free.  Know that we love you and your passing will inspire change. You have given other children who are in pain the strength to keep the faith that one day we will live in a world with no hate.

As parents it is our job to teach our children to love. Hate in born and bred. It is a vicious cycle that can end with us. What we teach our children defines us. Let's teach them to love, only love. Fat, short, skinny, tall, black, white, gay, straight, ugly, beautiful, nerdy, goth... just love them all. Our children need to understand that they are entitled to their individuality... that they are embraced and appreciated for WHO THEY ARE, not who we think they should be. Lead by example... love by example and your children will LIVE by your example.

-Momma Ash

Monday, October 18, 2010

A few pics to brighten your day :)

Skyler Rae October 2010

Skyler Rae is turning into quite the little model :) She loves for Mommy to take pictures of her. (Thank heavens, b/c this Mommy sure does take alot of pictures!)

Ya'll have a blessed day :)

Momma Ash

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Momma said light the way for them...

You are in a cave. It is terribly dark and cold, but you are able to maneuver your way through the tight squeezes and climb over the rocky cliffs, thanks to your trusty head light! You have been climbing and walking for miles it seems and finally enter a huge room. Turn off your headlight. It is dark. The darkest place in the world, underground and completely absent of all light. You cannot even see your fingers in front of your face. Now, I want you to try to get out of here, without your light. I want you to find the right path and make all of the right turns without your light. Can you do it?

Our job as parents is to be the light in our children's lives. We are to shine the way for them in these dark places.  If our children are walking through this world blinded, that responsibility lies with us. It is simply impossible to make it through this life without any sense of direction or purpose. I want you to turn on your headlight and be that light in your children's lives. I want you to take them by the hand and hold them by the heart. I want you to show them the right path and do everything in your power to lead them there. It is true, ultimately the decision lies with them as to where they want to go in this life, but if we show them that there are choices, there are possibilities beyond their wildest dreams, then we have done our job. Children thrive on direction. They want to know that we support their path in life. They want to know that this is a path worthy of walking. Be the light in your child's life. Be the force that leads them. Be the hand that helps them. If we choose to shine for our children, the flame we ignite in them will be seen for miles. Our love and support will be their beacon of hope. And even if they stray from the path, they will always be able to find their way back home.

Momma Ash

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Messy Fingers (A Poem)

So, I love poetry and was reading around a bit online and found this poem. I thought it was absolutely adorable and just had to share. Thank you Debra Higginbotham for such an awesome read :)

Messy Fingers

© Debra S. Higginbotham
Sticky fingers ' tangled hair,
scattered crayons, everywhere.
Fancy artwork ' on the wall '
drawn by midgets ' three feet tall.
Tell me why ' and tell me how '
that was mine ' I want it NOW!
Fix my bike. Buy me gum.
If you have it, I want some.
Dirty faces, grass-stained knees,
learning words ' like pretty please.
Endless hugs & goofy wet kisses,
learning respect with 'Mr.' & 'Mrs.'
Scraped-up hands, from falling down.
Tender tugs - - on my night gown.
Need more paper ' for Santa's letter?
I wasn't so bad ' but I've been better.
Watching a movie ' again and again '
Mommy, please ' put the tape back in.
Messy fingers ' hair gone wild '
all in the life ' of a precious child !!

Poem Source: Messy Fingers, Children Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1592#ixzz12M1UJt5C

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Momma said don't sweat the small stuff...

And I think it represents most Mom's everywhere.(You can't deny it... we are all emotional basket cases) It is hard not to narrow in on all of the tiny drama's that happen throughout our day. Between the bumped heads and the scraped knees and the total meltdown over the wrong kind of lunch meat, our emotions are running on the brink of total loss of nerve at all times! Some days I get so frustrated at the smallest things. I have to sit down and remind myself, THIS IS NOT WORTH GETTING UPSET OVER! I think as parents we FEEL 10 times more emotional b/c not only do we feel our pains and frustrations, but we also feel our kid's. Can you imagine how much THEY are feeling? Having to share our burdens with us? I often think about the emotional strain we as parents can put on our children without even realizing it. Financial strain, marital strain... LIFE in general. Every ounce of emotion we are feeling, we project onto our children. Has your 5 year old ever raised concerns to you about money? There is probably a reason for it... we tend to say stuff in the heat of the moment that in most instances we never would. We get so upset and frustrated that we have to release these emotions and usually our children are the ones on the receiving end. We are allowing our children to share our worries... worries that should not plague them for many many years.

My Momma used to tell me when I felt like I was going to have a serious case of word vomit... to stick an apple in my mouth. (NO joke) So, let's share an apple with our kids. Let them be kids... don't sweat the small stuff. Don't have a meltdown over the 5th dirty diaper in a row! Don't cry over the spilled milk. It is not worth it. Before we know it, our day is over and the only thing we have accomplished is a whole lot of drama and not one ounce of what we need to get done. :) Life is too short, our children are not going to be this cute and cuddly forever. I don't know about ya'll, but I don't want to wake up 10 years from now wondering where the time has gone. I wan't to know exactly what my time was spent doing... and I do not want it to be worrying and stressing over matters that are out of my hands.

"If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones. " ~Don Herold

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Momma said don't handicap your children by making their lives easy...

So, I have been thinking about this quote alot lately. As parents, it seems like our number one goal with our children is to make their lives as easy as possible. We hope that they will not encounter the sames pains as we have. We try our best to keep them in a bubble, safe and protected from all the ugly forces in this life. But, I wonder if this is right? I wonder if we are in fact teaching them the lessons they need to be taught in order to make it in this world. Because, the truth is, this life IS hard, this life IS filled with hate and hurt and pain and tears. How are our children supposed to learn how to face these demons head on if they have had absolutely no experience with them before? How are they to stand and fight when all their lives we have been the ones fighting for them?

Maybe the key to parenting is not taking away our children's pain... maybe it is teaching them how to properly embrace each pain and recover from the hurts that we encounter. Teaching our Daughters how to break down in private and never let another see her falter. Teaching our Son's how to stand up and be a man, even when the act does not seem characteristic of  a "man". We don't want to teach our children the cowardice ways of a bail out! We want to teach them to be brave and be strong and to fight for their happiness and peace of mind. We want them to shoot for the stars, chase every dream and BELIEVE in themselves. Us believing in them will only get them so far in this life... we, as parents must give them the tools they need in order to have that same faith in themselves. Throwing them to the wolves, you may say... but when we have equipped them with the armor they need for protection, we will have confidence that they will come out of the situation on top. Stand and conquer will be their battle cry, a pat on the back from us and the feeling of self preservation will be their greatest reward.

"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders."  ~Abigail Van Buren


Monday, October 11, 2010

Momma said I will hold your hand for a little while, but your heart for forever...

It has been nearly 8 months since my beautiful Mother passed away. I miss her immensely every single day. It is a hard reality to bare, living with the loss of someone so dear. I think the part I struggle with the most is Skyler. My own Grandmother died when I was barely 2 years old, now Skyler's has as well. It is the times that all I want is my Mother's advice, her words comforting me, that are the hardest. I find myself constantly reminiscing on all the things she used to say to me, all the lessons she taught me, all the one's I am still learning. She is what inspired this blog. I wanted to find a way to let her words live on through me. My Mother, Kathryn, was my very best friend, my lifeline. I only hope that I can be the same to Skyler. I hope that my Mother's flame will burn through me and on into Skyler. I will do the best I can to be the best I can. Every single day, just like she did.

RIP Momma, I love you.


Friday, October 8, 2010

Momma said it takes more than blood to be family...

I am writing this because I am feeling very sentimental today. If I didn't know any better, I would think I were pregnant... LOL. (I am not) I am just an emotional basket case lately. Anyway, I just felt like writing about my Stepdaughter, Sierra. I just wanted to express how much I truly adore this child. I remember the first time I ever saw her... she was so tiny and so happy. She was playing outside... running around the pool with this guy... and the way she looked at him... *sigh*. She looked at him as if he was the only person on this entire earth... and he was all hers, her Daddy. I remember telling my Brother that I wish we had a Dad like that. I just sat and watched them play for what felt like a century. I was literally awe struck. I remember exactly what she was wearing... a little pink tank top with a white skirt that had little fruits on it. (very much a "daddy dressed me" outfit.) LOL. Her hair was a mess and her feet were bare. Sierra was very shy and timid... so she didn't speak to me much that day. But boy oh boy her Daddy did! LOL. Well, her Daddy and I decided to hang out. I invited him and Sierra to come to our studio and listen to my Brother and I record some music. So, Marshall, being a musician was ALL OVER IT. Well,he brought Sierra with him and she was so shy and quiet and didn't want to let go of her Daddy. I was actually dog sitting for my friend at the time, he had a baby pug... so I walked up to Sierra and was like, "Hey Sierra, I have a little problem. You see, I have this puppy, but I don't have anyone to play with her... do you think you could do that for me" She shook her head yes... and it was all down hill from there. Sierra was not even 2 when I first met her. Over the years, I have fallen in love with this child. I have raised her as if she were my very own. I have loved her, I have been at my wit's end because of her, I have cried for her, I have hurt for her, I have laughed with her, I have held her while she cried, I have nursed her back to health, I have gone on field trips, I have shared deep conversations, I have screamed, I have been irrational, I have carried her for miles when she didn't want to walk, I have spoiled her then called her spoiled, I have punished her, I have rewarded her, I have been strict, I have been laid back, I have hurt her feelings, I have made her feel like the best kid on earth, I have loved her unconditionally, I have given her reassurance, I have made her feel doubt.... I recognize all of these things, both the good and the bad... all that comes along with being a parent. But the one thing that sticks out the most to me... if there is one thing I have done right or wrong for her... I have been a constant. I have not left her side since the day I walked into her life. Here we are, almost 5 years later. Sierra is now 6 years old. And I look back on all this time... and all the love we have shared... and my heart is bursting with joy... with love for that child. I cannot imagine my life without Sierra. At times I get angry with the circumstances... and at times I am reminded by others that she is NOT my child... but I cannot help but feel the way I feel. I cannot help but let the world know, she IS mine. I may not have loved her first, but I have loved her consistently. Doesn't that count for something? I think it does... I think to Sierra it counts. That is why she calls me Mom. And reminds me all the time, that she is my daughter... and that it doesn't take blood to be family.

Sierra and Myself when she was 2 yrs old :)

Introducing Sierra Paige :)


This is my Step Daughter, Sierra. I have had her since she was about 18 months old. I very much consider her to be my own child. Sierra has brought more love and joy in my life than I could possibly express to you. She is fun and outgoing. She is loving and kind. She is smart as a whip and extremely witty! She is sassy at times and tends to be needy, but she is all girl and all love. She has my heart and she always will <3


Momma said life is too short, have fun while you can...

SO! In light of this statement, I am going to let my girls spend the night in a tent outside in our yard. :) HAHA! I honestly do not think they will last the night. My main concern is them disturbing the neighbors, but in all honesty... it is Friday, they can deal ;) (JK, guys, I love ya'll)

I remember when I was young, my Brother would camp outside all the time. I was the only girl and the youngest in my entire family and was never allowed to participate. I was always SO upset over this discrimination. I think I heard every possible excuse in the book, "You are too young", "You are a girl", "It's too cold",  "Too many boys"... BLAH BLAH BLAH. I used to think that my parents hated me. LOL. Seriously! I was the one who always got jipped out of all the fun stuff! My Brother, Josh, (God bless him) was always going to skating rinks and bowling alleys and I was the one who got to stay at home with my Mom. As a child, I resented this SO MUCH. As an adult, I am so thankful that I had that time with my Mom. She always tried her best to make things fun for me. She would read with me, play barbies with me, we would spend hours cutting up construction paper and making Indian villages! (I loved making the tents). These are the memories I hold onto. These are the things that I remember most. I am so very grateful for every single one of these memories now.

I hope that I am doing what I can to create memories like these with my girls. I hope that a simple night in the yard will live on in their memories forever. I hope that when they smell sugar cookies and pizza, they reminisce of better days. I hope that they put forth the same effort with their children to create such important memories. I hope that they learn home is not just a place, it is indeed where the heart is... and ofcourse, it is where MOM is ;)

I will post pics tomorrow of the girls fun night in the tent! For today, have a good one and I'll see ya'll soon.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Introducing Skyler Rae :)


This is my 2 1/2 year old daughter, Skyler. She is my heaven on earth :) Skyler is a fun, energetic child with a whole lot of bounce in her step. She is sassy and demanding at times, but caring and affectionate at others. She is my whole heart <3


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Momma said sharing is caring...

Does that include germs? HAHA! So, as you all know we have entered flu season. It has been one heck of a ride in my home. Kids,Hubby and myself are just passing it back and forth like a volleyball! WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?! 

Okay, okay... to get on a more serious level, I want to break down the many different ways we can show our kids we care by sharing. :)

First and foremost, we can share our time. I think most of us know first hand how difficult it is to have a parent who was not entirely invested in you as a child. There are many different reasons, maybe your Dad worked alot? Maybe your Mom was a single parent and didn't have the means to spend alot of time with you. No matter what the situation may be... there are still many ways we can show our kids (and each other, for that matter) that we care. Sharing our time with someone is important, but how you spend that time you share could be the key! Perhaps you will share thoughts, reminisce on old times. Perhaps you will share laughter and have fun. Perhaps you will share tears, hug and comfort one another. I think the biggest thing we share in my house is FEELINGS... yeah, I said it! Now, you men... don't get scared yet! Sharing your feelings is not always such a dreadful thing! ;) Especially when in regards to your children. Kids need to talk and express how they are feeling, they need the basic skills of communication in order to function in this life. And guess whose job it is to teach it to them?!?! DING DING DING! It's YOU! By letting our kids know that we are willing to share our (sometimes limited) time with them, they will be willing to share their confused, babbled, mess of feelings with us. 

Have you ever had your child come to you in confidence? Confide in you something that they were thinking and feeling? I am sure you have... doesn't it FEEL good? Doesn't it make you feel special that they would choose YOU to share those thoughts and feelings with? Ofcourse it does!!!!! As humans we have a basic need to feel wanted and loved... and NOTHING shows us that more than having someone we care about spend their time with us. Your kids will not remember how much money you made when they were 10 years old, they WILL remember how much time you spent together. I understand that this is not possible for everyone and I feel truly grateful to be able to spend the time I can with my girls. However, this is why we should make limited time even more intimate and special for them. Our kids need to feel needed JUST as much, if not more than we do. Strange huh? That our children would need us to need them? Not at all... after all... they are HUMAN too ;)

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."  ~Stacia Tauscher

And I encourage ya'll to share your love. Just love. After all, it is all we need. 


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Momma said I am here to be your Mother, not your friend...

I heard it so often as a child, "We can be friends when you get older, right now my job is to be your Mother." I used to think she was literally crazy. Like, seriously? How cold can ya get? Here I am years later, repeating the same words to my kids. Sometimes we struggle with this. It is SO MUCH EASIER to just be the "good guy"... the "cool parent". I see this so very often in parenting. There is always that parent that just "doesn't want to be mean." I am here to tell you... YOU ARE NOT BEING MEAN! You are being MOM! ;) That is the difference! How often as a child did you think your Mom or Dad were being a complete jerk and were literally just trying to ruin your life? Alot huh? Yeah, me too! Now, how many times have you found yourself saying, "Mom, NOW I GET IT!" I find myself shouting out apologies to my Mother at random! "I am so sorry I ever doubted you, Mom!" The truth of the matter is... we are put in our children's lives to be their parents. NOT to be their friends. They need us to be parents, they want us to be friends. It is time for us to focus on our children's NEEDS rather than their WANTS.

As parents, we are stuck in a constant limbo between teaching our children what they need and wanting to give them what they want. My Mom was very famous for saying, "Your wants won't kill you."  Sometimes the line is so very thin, we hardly realize we have overstepped it. We all want to give our children everything their little hearts desire, but sometimes we forget... our JOB as parents is to cover their needs. Now, lets think about this. What are our children's needs? Food, water, shelter, clothing, etc... What are out children's wants? Toys, movies, televisions, games, "cool" clothing, etc... I often think that we as parents are to blame for the issues that plague children and teens these days. We feed in to the idea that our children NEED these things in order to meet some sort of status quo. We become so consumed and focused on these wants that we in turn forget about their EMOTIONAL NEEDS. Like a hug, a simple "I love you", just sitting down with them and talking to them like they are a human being. If we can learn to balance our children's wants and needs we will find that we are rearing healthier, happier, more emotionally stable children. I challenge you as a parent to give your child what they need, not what they want. When they are grown, they will thank you for those long talks and hugs... they will REMEMBER this. I promise you, they are not going to remember how many toys they got for Christmas when they were 5.

I also want to talk today about positive vs. negative reinforcement.

Ex. Positive Reinforcement- You ask your child to clean their room, they do so in a timely manner and without fuss, you reward them with a small toy or a special privilege, praise... etc.

Ex. Negative Reinforcement- You ask your child to clean their room, they fuss and do not pick up, you bribe them with toys and privileges in order for them to do what you ask. 

As you can see, in a negative reinforcement situation, the child is STILL being rewarded for NEGATIVE behavior. You never thought of it like that, did ya? A very common misunderstanding is that bribing a child is effective. I am sorry to burst your bubble here, ya'll... but it is NOT. Let's apply this same theory to an adult and see what we get.

Ex. Positive Reinforcement- Boss asks employee to volunteer some time to the company. Many employees are getting together and raising funds for charity. The employee does their part and volunteers for several hours throughout the year. End of the year comes, employee gets a very nice bonus, recognition from their boss and respect from their fellow employees.

Ex. Negative Reinforcement- Boss asks employee to volunteer some time to the company. Employee gripes and moans and says he will not spend a minute of his time without being paid. Boss bribes employee with a small pay raise in order to get the employee to participate. End of the year comes, employee is stuck with their small pay raise.

In the end, you may think the result is the same. But let's focus on the details. If you were the employee in the Positive example, how would you feel knowing that someone else was rewarded the same as you when you were the one putting in the time and effort? You would not have much respect for that individual would you? 

I didn't think so. ;)

Our children strive for positive reinforcement. They want to be rewarded and recognized for their good behaviors. They want to know that their efforts as YOUR child are paying off. Just as the employee wants to know that their efforts are paying off. I challenge you to focus on your child's positive behaviors and reward them accordingly. It is so easy to get caught up in what our children do wrong that we often forget to tell them "Good Job" for what they do right. Most importantly, I want us to remember that our children are people NOW. We need to treat them that way. 

I challenge you to be a parent to your child, not a friend. I challenge you to give them what the need, not always what they want. I challenge you to reward them for their positive behaviors and not focus on their negative behaviors. I challenge you to love. Always love.

Ya'll have a great day and I'll see ya soon.


Monday, October 4, 2010

Momma said the only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child...

Since becoming a Mom, just a couple of short years ago, I have found myself watching my girls sleep. In most instances, one would find this creepy... but when applied to a child... it is the most beautiful thing in this world. To see the peace on their face, the sudden flicker of their eyelids, the slight curves of a smile just beckoning to come out. Sometimes I wish I could sleep so soundly. I hate that looking at my children, I know that they will not always sleep so soundly. I hurt for their future... for their pains and tears and heartaches. I hurt for their failures and weaknesses. So, I sit... and I stare at them for hours... watch them breathe this life in and out. Inhale and exhale true peace... true happiness. For they do not yet know the burdens of this life... they are still so innocent. I want so badly to keep them this way. I am grateful for the time they have now... this life... this childhood. May it be filled with more love than a million hearts combined and may it bring them the fondest of memories when they grow up and watch their very own sleeping children.

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring." ~Liz Armbruster


Momma said I would understand when I had kids of my own...

Recalling Motherhood

It was then that I finally understood. I breathed in a deep sigh of relief, so this is what they meant... "You will understand when you have kids of your own." HA! Never in a million years did I think that I would ever succumb to the words I so often heard as a child. It was then that I understood, in that moment between impending parenthood and actual MOTHERHOOD: the most rewarding, frightening moment of my life. Somehow I managed to muffle the beeping, talking, all of that medical jibber-jab. I was focused, ready. I would be damned if all those books and classes were wasted. I was half conscious ( thanks to the drugs mostly) or maybe this was some sort of defense mechanism... "Just a little while longer" I thought... "I'm not quite ready." However; the bun in this oven was nearly burnt... and there was no looking back now. I looked to my left and he was there, always there. Holding my hand as if it were some sort of porcelain, I saw him lip the words "I love you". Of course, my heart melted, as it always did when he looked at me that way. I am speaking of Marshall, my very own Prince Charming :)This was it. This was actually happening. In that moment, I saw myself. I hate to be so cliché BUT SERIOUSLY! this was sort of an "out of body" experience. I watched myself; my face was void of emotion, but my eyes... my eyes were sick with a thousand uncertainties and a million questions. If I could only read just a few more books, take just a few more classes THEN maybe I will be ready. I realized it was the first thing in my life I had no control over what-so-ever. You see, I had always been such a free spirit... really went wherever the wind blew me. Until I met him of course, my reason for breathing, my very own angel. Looking in his eyes again, trying so very hard to hide my fears.... painting my expression with anticipation... and excitement (If I were being honest with myself, I was scared shitless). We were having a daughter, a little girl named Skyler. Then his face turned white and in that instant... I knew... this is for real. (You see, he is a little squeamish... the idea of a cesarean section did not have quite the same appeal as natural birth... it was so... so medical.) I felt the tugging, the gut wrenching pulling... "Her head is out" he said to me... My heart fluttered. I had forgotten to breathe... the nurse behind me seeing my face... put yet another dose of morphine in my IV. I didn't want that, I wanted to be coherent... I wanted to meet my daughter SOBER. It seemed so unnecessary at the time, nothing could ruin this... and I fought that creeping venom in my veins for what felt like a century... slowly but inevitably... my head dropped... my eyes so heavy from the drugs. All I wanted was to sleep... so exhausted... more from the anticipation than the pregnancy I'd wager. Then I heard it... that long gut curdling cry. She was here, she was finally here. The corners of my lips rose... I thought I was smiling? However, so stunned, so impaired, I wasn't sure. I had pictured this moment in my head a thousand times, so sure I was going to break out in uncontrollable tears, but I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Shock, maybe. Utter and complete shock. I was a Mother. Mom. Momma. HA! I laughed at the thought, who ever would have guessed? Me, Ashley...? I lay there while they sewed me up... listening to my baby... the most insanely loud cry I had ever heard, the most beautiful sound in all the world. She was mine. My Daughter, My Skyler... and no one could ever take that away from me. Suddenly all the fears of a Mother clouded my view... I saw her entire life flash before my eyes and there they were... the tears I had been searching for.... overwhelmed... with LOVE. This love was so deep... there are no words to do it justice. Then I heard it again... "You will understand when you have kids." They were right... they had been right all along. I breathed in yet another, more distinguished sigh of relief... he was holding our daughter... our creation... our new reason for being... and our love grew, it was unexplainable... I suddenly loved him more than ever. There they were... my world. My life. I smiled, knowing I could close my eyes now... I let the moment take me away into an inexplicable peace.